and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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