could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
