lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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