she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
