He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
