thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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