Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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