we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
