i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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