They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm like, not good at living.
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