so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
