Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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