I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
