It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
