you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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