I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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