Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
