Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
