Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
