she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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