I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
