Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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