At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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