I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
