Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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