Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
