Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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