you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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