Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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