The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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