She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
