So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
