i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
