so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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