those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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