i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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