since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
