Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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