i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
