party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
