I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
