My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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