nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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