Can Purell be used as lube?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
