My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
