So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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