wanna go halves on a baby?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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