Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
