so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
