Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
