You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My feet surprised me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
