Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Randomize
