Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
