Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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